Ada

I never felt like growing a baby inside of me.

I never felt like growing a baby inside of me. It’s a lot of responsibility bringing another life into this world. I want to be honest, and the truth is that I don’t want to always have to be there for another person.

I figured out that I didn’t want to have babies when I left Mexico in my twenties. I moved to Italy to learn the language, and ever since then, I’ve been independent. I wanted to work, and buy what I wanted, without limitations, and I’ve always been responsible for myself and my life. I’ve been alone for many years, and I know how hard it is to live away from my home country, let alone to be responsible for somebody else, for the rest of my life.

In 2011 I moved to Berlin, where I met Benjamin, and we got married after eight months together. I was 40 years old already, and we agreed that we didn’t want babies. We knew that we valued our independence and our spontaneity, and the freedom to go to Berghain this weekend, or whatever.

We’re still in love, like the first time. We’re so connected, and peaceful; I live in a dream. I was clear at the beginning: I don’t want to lose this with him, to have someone else to carry all the time.

My father would always tell my mother to take the pill. But she went to confession, and the priest would say, "No, God will send you the kids you're supposed to have." She started having babies when she was 18, 19 years old, every two years, until there were 10 of us; there were eight of us in the house when I was little.

I always respected what she did - she never missed a thing, and we never wanted for anything. She never seemed to sleep, and always took care of us. My mother was always there. She’s in her eighties now, and when I think of all the things she went through, I really respect what she did for us.

My mother showed how much she loved us by taking care of us. Now she’s old, and sick. My brothers and sisters help, but she feels like a burden. In Mexico, the children are supposed to take care of their parents until they die. But, of course, everyone has their own life and it’s difficult to be there all the time. The idea that when you have children, you’ll always have someone to look after you, is stupid.

My mother never expected me to have children, never asked about it. All my family accept my decision, without problems. My older brother told me, since I was about 30 and living in Italy, “don’t have babies”. Because he has one and he knows it’s a big responsibility!

The world gets worse every day. Every time I turn on the TV, I think: why would I bring a baby here?

I’m an optimist but I don’t see much of a future. It will take a miracle for the world to keep going. I was just watching a BBC documentary about the sixth mass extinction, which said that, if we don't change something now, in 20 years, there will be nothing left. I talk to my friends who have kids, and they say, “my kid will save the world.” Um, yeah, OK.

Some people say that we came into this world to make babies, but I don’t agree. When I see two people making more people, I think it’s great that they found each other. But a family doesn’t have to be a group of at least three people - Benjamin and me, we’re also a family.

I don’t think it’s possible to have it all. You have to choose. Maybe if your relationship is perfect, you can balance everything, but relationships change a lot after you have a baby. You have to live happy, that’s what I say. You only get one chance at life.