“I’m living my best life. I can do whatever I want.”
“Is that what people think? That childfree women are sad? Because I'm thriving.”
Is that what people think? That childfree women are sad? Because I’m thriving, I’m living my best life. I can do whatever I want.
To be honest, the idea of having children just never came to my mind. It wasn’t a decision, it was just inside of me. I always knew that I didn’t want to have children.
When I first talked to anyone about this, I was probably 26, 27. It’s very young to be thinking about this, in this society, because you can have children at pretty much any age. I was taking a walk with my mum, who’s from the Philippines. They’re a bit more conservative over there. She comes from a big family, and is used to having people around her that come from big families as well.
I’d expected my mum to be, not angry, but disappointed – because I knew she wanted to be a grandma at some point. But I was pleasantly surprised by her reaction. She said, “Hey, it’s very good that you’ve already been thinking about this. And if you really don’t want to have children – if that’s not on your path – just make your own decisions, and never let society give you any pushback or let you think you’re wrong.”
“For me, being childfree has only ever been beneficial. It has given me time, freedom, energy.”
That was around the same time I started mixed martial arts. When I was 27, I started with Thai boxing, before discovering MMA. I’m not really a team player, so I was looking for a sport that I could do by myself, without needing any tools. When you play tennis, you need a racket. When you do basketball, you need a ball. Whereas MMA is the purest form of sport there is – you use your body, and that’s it.
My training is so important to me. And so is my job – I work quite a lot. I have some pretty big projects on my plate, and I’ve been working past midnight for 10 days straight. And it’s fine. I mean, it wouldn’t be fine if I had to do this every day. But I know this is going to end, and it’s something I’m investing in which is bound to pay back at some point. Because I don’t have children, I can do these things. I can travel anywhere I want. I can train once, even twice a day.
“I'm a strong believer that the only person you really need to impress in your life is yourself.”
For me, being childfree has only ever been beneficial. It has given me time, freedom, energy. When people say “it’s selfish not to have children” – first of all, I don’t agree with that. Second of all, is it a bad thing to be selfish? I tell all my friends, my family, just be selfish. Put yourself first. If you’re in a relationship or not, always put yourself on the first spot. Because, in the end, you have to be dependent on yourself.
I’m a strong believer that the only person you really need to impress in your life is yourself. You’re the most important person.
Photos by Zoë Noble
Words edited by James Glazebrook
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