Natasha, UK

“My threat of miscarriage is significantly higher than normal and I was told that if I decided to get pregnant it would be difficult.”
When I was 21, I was diagnosed with a bicornate womb – essentially a heart-shaped womb. In my case the shape is so pronounced that there isn’t even space for a IUD.
I’d been having heavy periods, which is common in Southeast Asian women. I went to the doctor, eventually got a referral to a gynaecologist, and after an ultrasound, was told about my rare genetic condition. My threat of miscarriage is significantly higher than normal and I was told that if I decided to get pregnant it would be difficult.
This is what started me thinking about if I even wanted to have children, and why. Before then, I wasn’t even thinking about having a family, but there’s always this assumption that you will. For me and a lot of my friends then, it was like, “Oh yeah, in our 30s we’ll have children”, because that’s just what you do. There’s never really space to think of an alternative.




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"As the only girl and an only child, there’s a lot of responsibility placed on you to carry on the family line, because for a lot of families, you’re not more than a womb.”
It also didn’t help that my parents – very traditional Hindus – were very much set on me reproducing. When I plucked up the courage to tell them when I was about 25, their logic was, medicine can do so many things, so it will be fine – as long as you have one child… There was zero concern about me, which was very odd considering that my mother had about 10 miscarriages before I arrived.
I was an only child, so being a girl in my culture meant there was a lot of responsibility placed on me to carry on the family line. In many traditional families, you’re seen as no more than a womb. But for me, it wasn’t just about having a baby. It was about the potential physical and mental toll that would take on me. I realised that my life is more valuable than going through this thing that could hurt me quite considerably – if not kill me.
My parents were focused on who would want me if I didn’t have children, and attempted to force me into an estranged marriage. Eventually, this tension fast-tracked my estrangement from my family, and I haven’t spoken to them for nearly nine years. Not having that energy in my life has been one of the best things for me, and I’ve created a life free from cultural and social pressures.

“You don’t just have to accept the family that you’re given; you can create your own.”
Society often presents this traditional image of family, but I believe you can create your own family – one that works for you, not just the one you’re born into. Thing is, I love children, I’m an aunt, I’m a regular visitor to all my friends with children… but I do love being able to leave them there! What is weird and hard is that now that I’m in my 30s, all my friends are busy with their children, and sometimes it’s like – what do I do?!
I’ve always been upfront with potential partners about not wanting children. I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. Some men I dated were OK with it, but others weren’t and expected me to change my mind. With my current partner, he initially wasn’t sure but spent a couple of years thinking about it. He came back and said he was happy not to have children. We check in every so often, but he remains content with the decision.
It’s important to have those conversations early in relationships, and it matters to me that my partner and I are on the same page. I even told him that if he wanted children I would understand if he wanted to break up. I would never want to hold back someone I love from fulfilling a life they want.

“It was very much a decision thrust upon me at a really young age so it's probably why I've thought about it more than my peers.”
So yeah, I am now happily childfree as a considered decision. I don’t often have to justify myself to people. Although when I do, they usually say, “You’ll change your mind”. Inside I’m like, “I’m 34, soon to be 35, my body physically would not be able to cope with a pregnancy if I were any older than this. And mentally…? Definitely not.” But lols I obviously don’t share all that with them.
Now, when people insist that I’ll change my mind, I stand firm in my decision. Sometimes, I’m blunt them and say that I don’t want children and that’s my choice. This decision is empowering for me because I’ve thought about it deeply, and it was an opportunity to make a decision that not many people get to make until later in life.
It was very much a decision thrust upon me at a really young age so it’s probably why I’ve thought about it more than my peers – the cost of a child, the impact that a child has both on the the person carrying the child, and the relationship that it’s born into. That it’s a lifelong commitment. And, to be honest, not one that I want.


“Seeing my story on We are Childfree felt validating. It’s not often that women like me are given a platform - British Asian women with unconventional stories.”
Seeing my story on We are Childfree felt validating. It’s not often that women like me are given a platform – British Asian women with unconventional stories. I’m not a famous figure, but I think it’s important to share our experiences because they matter. There’s still a tendency to assume that stories like mine are outliers, but I know there are other women who can relate to my experience. I want others to see that they’re not alone in their struggles and decisions.
If you’re going through something similar, trust your gut. If you’re already contemplating a big decision, you probably already know deep down what the right choice is. It might take time, but trust yourself. And remember that just because something is hard doesn’t mean it will always be hard. Trust your instinct – that’s why we have it.
Photos by Zoë Noble
Words edited by James Glazebrook