I grew up knowing that I would probably have children one day. No other thought ever crossed my mind, because it was simply the social example I was given. That there could be other options was far from my reality.
Until I got pregnant unintentionally. The contraception failed, so did the morning-after pill, and the abortion didn’t go smoothly either. It was as if my body desperately wanted to become a mother. Only I didn’t. I looked at my pregnancy test and suddenly everything was so clear: I never want to have children. I wish I had come to this realisation in a different, easier way. But that was the way it was. It wasn’t the termination of the pregnancy that was dramatic. No, it was the most liberating decision of all. Rather it was the painful remarks of various doctors. It was unbelievably painful to realise that for some people a childfree life apparently has no justification and makes no sense.
Almost 9 years have passed since then and I am happy. Every now and then I dream that I have a baby and I am very unhappy in these dreams. Meanwhile, these dreams happen very rarely and I am free from the opinions of others. Yes, it is a selfish decision. There were times when it made me feel very lonely. But it was the healthiest selfish decision ever. Having a uterus does not mean to become a mother. With or without children, we are so much more. Anyway, I don’t have a “special resume” to show for it instead of a child. I just live my life the way I want to.
I have all kinds of girlfriends. But I hope to meet many more people who have gone the same road. Because this is not an exception, it is one possibility among many.