“I was struggling with the choice but have slowly grown to a resolve.”

Melanie, 37, USA

My husband and I took our time choosing to not have children. We processed it for a year in therapy before deciding and getting married. I was struggling with the choice but have slowly grown to a resolve regarding our choice because it falls in alignment with my values and how I want to impact the earth. I know my energy is meant for a larger scale and there are so many children in the world who need guidance, care, and attention.

I have always had a sense of dread with the idea of having children and I always postponed it and broke up with a few boyfriends due to my indifference. It began with the first school shooting when I was about 13 and I just knew deep down I had too much angst within myself to create another human being to protect.

When I met my husband, he leaned more toward the NO side of children. And we processed the indifference/indecision before fully choosing. I often thank myself for making such a big decision but there is still a profound sense of loss that I am grieving. Not a loss of a child but the connection that I had with so many of my friends from my 20’s. Choosing to not have children has created a bit of a distance from the women I know who have chosen to have children.

We now seek out lots of communities to volunteer within and have found a profound sense of peace within volunteering, gardening, ceramics, and cooking. We have a kitty and are opening our home up to an adopted rescue in the next few months. The decision has made a profound impact on my life and allowed me to have more time to connect with nature, other humans, and myself.