“Not having kids has allowed me to come into myself. To create a full person.”

Allison, 32, USA

I am certain in my childfree choice. And you have helped me.

We are the last of our friends without kids. It’s strange to me that people don’t understand I that I love my life the way it is. I don’t want it to change. Children change everything. And it’s always, “oh you just learn to deal with it”. For me, it’s all so worth it now.

I don’t want to “learn to deal” with my life. In adolescence, in young adulthood, it seems that’s all you do. You deal with school, deal with finding a job, your relationships, and mostly you deal with yourself dealing with all the bullshit. So why? Why now, when the first time in my life I finally feel found, why would I want to change it all?

I have never had the desire to have children. I never played with dolls as a kid, never liked to babysit. Kids were just never really a part of my thought process. Once, there was a brief moment when I first met my husband that I thought maybe… I think I was so blinded by how madly in love with him I was (am) these utopian futures would creep into my head and my ovaries would damn near explode watching him with kids. He’s great with kids. But then. Our life happened. And what our relationship became is so blissful on its own those thoughts left my head almost as fast as they came. He is my adventure partner, our life together fills my cup and then some. I don’t want to change that. I don’t need to.

A child has never been my goal. Being a mother has never been my goal. I have been my goal. And I truly don’t think I can be happy with a child in my life.

What other argument is there?

Not having kids has allowed me to come into myself. To create a full person. It’s allowed me to fuck up, and to fix it. It’s allowed me time to start a new career, and become a business owner doing something I really enjoy. I work hard. I work long days. I like it that way.

A few years ago, I fell in love with mountain biking. And I have the freedom to spend my money on expensive bikes instead of daycare. I have the time to ride them. We have the option to take off in our van with the dog and go explore a new trail for a day or two while we drink champagne out of the bottle and celebrate just being us.

Freedom, time, money, sleep, indulging in my love of great food and great clothes, sex all over the house, spontaneity, choice, choice, choice… This list of what I love about my life could go forever.

Simply, I feel as though I enjoy the world around me more fully as a childfree woman.