It took me a while to write this because I’ve never been invited to share my story in a place FOR childfree people.
Typically I’m interrogated about this choice with the intent to convert me. My childfree choice has been used against me many times, to discredit my faith, my womanhood and my capacity to be a wife—which was the case in my marriage.
It’s always hilarious to me when people try to bring faith into it, claiming it’s mandated by God in scripture. As the daughter of a religious scholar, I’m well equipped to tell people that nowhere in scripture is childrearing a mandate. God calls it an adornment of life, but He also reminds us that they can be a misguiding temptation. God is literally telling us they go both ways and we can choose based on which fits our lifestyles!
In my most recent relationship, when his family found out I don’t want children, all hell had broken loose. I was called a “sinner” and “broken”, and my partner’s parents told him to “fix” me before we got engaged or else. I became happily single again.
What’s interesting to me is that people are so quick to interrogate, judge and demand my explanation for this choice like they are entitled to it, but they don’t recognize the fact that they never took a second to stop and ask themselves why they want/have children. Every first date, I make this choice very clear because it’s a non-negotiable for me. Instantly the men get angry and defensive, scolding me for being a “selfish” and “heartless”. When they finish their rants, I ask them to tell me why they want children. Till this day, not one man has been able to answer this question. Hell, not even one woman has. Because your “ovaries are screaming for babies” or because you want “to raise better kids” than your parents did severely worries me as those are quite selfish and unhealthy reasons to bring another human into this life.
I’m grateful I’ve stuck to my choice. I’ve been able to leave an abusive marriage, publish two more books and go back to school for a second graduate degree. I established and manage a nonprofit and have been able to travel for leisure and work. Most important of all, I’m so happy, having faith that I am doing what is best. When people try to tell me this will limit my options for a husband in the future, I shrug my shoulders and say, “If I’m meant to stay single, I’m fine, and if God has someone who is the best fit for my life, He will send him when the time is right. I’m not stressing.”