I think I always knew from an early age I wanted to be childfree.
Growing up with two older sisters who are both very disabled and seeing how much heartbreak and stress was involved for my parents, all I wanted was to find a calm and peaceful existence.
I would hide away in my room as a child and hear the screams and violent outbursts of my sisters and my parents desperately trying to control them. Later on one of my sisters moved into a home where she was supported to take off some of the pressure for my parents but even to this day they both cause so much anxiety and worry.
I know of course it is not my sisters’ fault and for years I felt huge levels of guilt for one, not being able to forge a relationship with them, and two, not giving my parents grandkids after being the only one who could. This is one of the reasons I am no longer in contact with them as I couldn’t cope with hearing the hints and comparisons with others who have gone onto have kids.
There are days that I do feel lonely as I am not always included in my friend’s groups because they have kids and I don’t, but I am so incredibly lucky I have a supportive husband. I just wish women without children were seen as just as important as those with kids.
Finding this wonderful community has helped me so much in realising I am not alone and can be enough just as I am.