“The right now is all I can ever know.”


I am childfree by circumstance mainly, but potentially choice.

I am in a 13 year relationship, with someone I love and have a wonderful life with. My partner first introduced me to the fact that having children is a choice as he was the first person I’d met that didn’t want kids. He has a number of reasons for this – from ethical, environmental and just not having the desire. He has had a vasectomy because he wanted to take responsibility for contraception.

As I used to see children in my future, I have recently been battling with the thoughts that my childfree status was chosen for me by my partner. And therefore not my own decision. I am fully aware that if I had spent 13 years with a different person I would likely have had children.

A recent revelation for me is that the decision to have children wasn’t my own. It was a mix of growing up in a pronatalist society and how I was raised. This has been freeing.

Although I still don’t know how I truly feel and I have a lot of anxiety about the future. But all I know is that right now I am happy in my life. The right now is all I can ever know.