“This taste of that life made me question if it’s actually for me.”

Chloe, 35, UK

It was ‘always going to happen’; find a husband, buy a house, create life.

I did the first two. My story differs slightly in the fact that with my husband came with three boys. I become a step-mum. After his third, and previous to meeting me, J had a vasectomy – which scuppered my plans when we fell in love. It was now going to be harder to have our own. We went through the process of having him reversed, and then I started to look at the world differently.

My experience with the boys, every weekend, was tiring. I love them for him and have taken on this ‘cool step-mum’ approach. Not a mother, I’m actually quite awkward around them.

This taste of that life made me question if it’s actually for me. To have them full time fills me with dread.

I have an active life, a tough job in an operating theatre, and a family with children on a weekend.

So although I’m not completely childfree- I feel more free than I would with children.

Shockingly my parents are supportive of my decision not to have my own, to the point where they understand so much I almost think they regret having me!

My decision started because of my experience on a weekend, but it got me to think long, hard and deeply about the impact of bringing life into the world right now.

I found your podcast a few weeks ago and it resonates and echoes everything I’ve been thinking about. Therefore, thank you, for making me feel more OK about my decision.