WE ARE CHILDFREE

My story is one that illustrates that not having kids is not just about either a) not wanting any or b) not being able to have any. In my case, it was about circumstances.

I always imagined having kids. Experiencing pregnancy and giving birth appeal to me, as does cuddling a toddler. However, it was always clear that I wanted to have kids only if/when I’d be in a happy couple with good conditions for bringing up children (love, money, a home, jobs, time, support, a partner willing to do half the work). I knew (especially as time passed) this meant I may not have kids, if I couldn’t meet these conditions.

I built a happy relationship late, when I was 41. He already had 6-year-old twins. He was intially very open to having more kids. He then became more ambivalent and finally realised he preferred not having more kids or at least was not ready yet. I decided to stay in the relationship although there was a high chance I would not have kids. I was being coherent with my priority which had always been to be in a happy relationship.

This led to over a year of coming to terms with the idea of not having kids and grieving the parts of parenthood that I had looked forward to. I read a lot about the topic and also started living with my partner’s kids. It made me realise all the parts about being a parent that I would be happy to miss out on.

My partner is now more open to the idea of having a kid. But I feel the moment has passed and am now happy not to have any biological kids.