“As an introvert, being a caregiver is not something I can comfortably or happily do and maintain good mental health.”
At age 57, I am childfree by choice with zero regrets, grateful and relieved about my decision.
Growing up, having children was not something I pictured. A serious child, I preferred the company of adults who felt safer than children who could be cruel and unpredictable.
At 25 I got pregnant accidentally. I had a serious and committed partner and thought about my options. I did not want to be a caregiver, even with a supportive and involved partner, so I had an abortion. I felt very clear and never suffered negative feelings about it.
In my 30s, in a committed same-sex relationship, I questioned myself deeply about having children or not. I read countless books, worked with a community midwife, and did my Masters in Social Work. I wrote a thesis on pregnancy and childbirth and interviewed a number of women and heard their experiences.
What struck me most was a list of common parenting tasks and being asked if any were appealing. None were. Being a caregiver to a child means being continuously tuned into another person and constantly meeting their needs. As an introvert, that’s not something I can comfortably or happily do and maintain good mental health.
Today I have the time and financial means to live the life I want. I cultivate a community around me of friends and am able to travel, spend time with my beloved pets in my beautiful, comfortable home in a great neighborhood and take care of myself mentally and physically. That’s what feeds my soul.
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