WE ARE CHILDFREE

I grew up in Germany and now live in Sydney with my partner after six years in a long-distance relationship.

I always assumed I was going to have children someday. I was fascinated by pregnancy and birth, often imagining myself being pregnant and even planning my dream birth. However, I was not particularly drawn to the idea of children, or parenting a toddler.

When I was 25, my copper IUD had failed me and to our shock I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand. My feelings were ambivalent. On one hand, I immediately knew I did not want to be a parent and neither did my partner. On the other hand, I was grieving the experience of pregnancy and giving birth.

Three days later, I had an abortion. In the aftermath, I worked through the feelings of ambivalence and I realised more and more that I do not want to be a mother and that I have no desire to raise a child for many, many different reasons.

I was ONLY grieving missing out on the supposedly wonderful and essential experience of pregnancy and birth, I was not grieving a potential child. I had internalised the romanticised notion of pregnancy and birth.

It made me wonder how many women go on and have children for similar reasons and then later regret this decision when they realise parenthood is not for them. It made me realise that this would have been if it hadn’t been for my abortion. Five years later my partner and I are setting our lives up for our childfree future and I couldn’t be more excited for what the future holds for us.