WE ARE CHILDFREE

n my 20s, having children was the last thing on my mind. I was too busy studying and partying to think about it.

I always felt like I didn’t want children, but I thought my hormones would “kick in”, or something would magically change my mind once I hit 30, then being relieved that it didn’t.

I remember sitting in a restaurant with a group of friends and one of them saying ‘soon we’ll all be pushing buggies!’ And even though I shrugged it off, the thought filled me with horror.

It was my relationship, then marriage, then subsequent divorce, that partly solidified my choice to remain childfree. I married my ex when I was 29, and again, we were too busy enjoying ourselves to think about children seriously. I remember telling him that I wasn’t sure kids were for me, but he later told me he thought I’d change my mind. In hindsight, so did I.

When I hit 37, and still hadn’t changed my mind, the relationship broke down and we separated. I remember every petty argument we had before the split felt like there was an underlying issue on our different desires on children. It was like a stain on a carpet you just can’t get rid of.

It’s been 6 years since then, I’m nearly in my mid 40s and I’m happily childfree. I’m in a relationship with a man who is also childfree and I feel like myself again. This is who I am and always will be.