WE ARE CHILDFREE

Dad left when I was about 3, mum had 2 jobs to keep us and maintain the family home.

Being the youngest of 4, my eldest sister would pick me up from school and I’d quite often stay over due to mum being home late. I never went without but I didn’t have that nurturing upbringing like my friends. I used to love going to their homes for dinner and sleepovers, it was such a warm feeling but also sad when I had to leave. I loved being anywhere apart from home.

At the age of 9, I became an aunt!! It was like having a little sister, growing up with her and then having 2 further nieces by the time I was 12. I thought it was great as we would go to the park, have summer holidays in the caravan but I also watched my sister struggle financially, just like mum did.

I kept thinking to myself that I don’t wants kids, it looks like hard work and I’d never see them. I was then 15 years old when my brother and his wife had two children. Again, watching them also struggle financially I kind of knew then it wasn’t going to be my priority later in life.

I finished school, went to college and found myself a little job cleaning in a pub. I was 17 and already worrying about how I would support myself. I would work in a bar over the weekend and all I did was save the money! When I finished college, I had found my first full time job and still worked part time in the bar.

I was making new friends and socialising more after work, however all they kept asking was why was I single, “surely at your age you’d be settle down with kids”… I was 21!!!

Working in the bar I came across many characters; I started dating and life still wasn’t falling into place. My boyfriend was an alcoholic, he worked all day and drank all night. It wasn’t the life I had expected, he had children from a previous relationship, although he didn’t see his children nor did he support them.

When I asked why, he said that’s their mother’s job!! We had spoken about having kids in the first few years together, but then the domestic violence started. I went to work with black eyes, and when asked, I would lie that I walked into the cupboard doors.

Life was a constant battle and treading on eggshells. If I had £1 for every time I was accused of having an affair, I’d be retired by now!!

I kept thinking, how could I have a child with a man who beat me up and would never support me. I kept thinking I couldn’t be a mother in this environment and how do I get out of this relationship.

As time passed I found the strength in me to run away for safety to a refuge, I left my job as I felt they knew too much about my personal life. I decided to temp to keep my head above water. I never heard from my “friends” that encouraged me to leave him, life was lonely and my family were still none the wiser about our relationship but I had lucky escaped.

Enjoying life again: I started a job I love, enjoying holidays abroad (those savings came in handy!) I made new friends to whom I’ve grown close to. I’m now happily married to my best friend, he has two grown children and a grandchild. I’m not their mum or nan but I know I made the right decision for me.