“People pathologize my wish to not have children.”


I‘ve always known that I didn’t want children.

That is just a feeling that sits deep inside me and I guess it’s the same for people that wish to have children very deeply. I‘d just wish for more acceptance for that.

What personally really bothers me is that people pathologize my wish to not have children once they hear about my depression and trauma. They start acting as if I couldn’t possibly know that I don’t want children because I am mentally ill and had to live through severe trauma my whole life thus far.

I am a 100% sure I wouldn’t want children either way – you can see the world clearly for what it is with and without trauma. It’s infantilizing to act as if I could only make decisions through my mental illness.

I even had to stop going to group therapy after talking about my wish for a sterilization there. Grown men literally pointed their fingers at me saying “You’re too traumatized to decide that for yourself” (regarding my upcoming sterilization). Those men have children themselves, and complained lots about child support payments and their children going no contact, ironically.

Needless to say, that wasn’t even the worst of that group therapy session and led me to break up with my therapist, who was more interested in letting the other patients attack me instead of putting a stop to that “discussion”, which was in reality only me getting attacked for being young and childfree. I wish therapists would do better to not pathologize a wish to be childfree.

I am queer, plus sized and chronically ill. These identity markers have had influences on my experiences while searching for a doctor that would be willing to perform a sterilization on me.

If you’re overweight, doctors often will deny the procedure because they see too many risks attached and don’t deem the surgery as life-saving etc. But I’ve come to learn from other doctors that the surgery can still very much be done and that the risks are the same as they would be in an emergency.

I also sometimes hide that I am queer out of the fear that doctors will tell me, that I could just leave my cis male partner for a woman and then wouldn’t have to worry about contraception anymore. Thankfully, that hasn’t happened yet, but doctors will find every and any excuse to not perform sterilizations.