“Now I feel sure I don’t want children but I am continually questioned.”


Why is having children a rung on the ladder? Am I not enough, myself? I am more able to look after myself, and therefore be well, and therefore look after and be present for others, be a good friend, daughter, partner, aunty, sister, as I am, childfree.

I knew I would rather adopt a child than have my own child from before I met my husband almost 20 years ago. Anything else felt selfish. Now I feel sure I don’t want children but I am continually questioned.

If I continue on my path, not having children, will I continue to be questioned for my choice? Is it a choice, does it have be labelled as such, I’m choosing the absence of something, is it not simply continuing to be? Why does our world centre around this “choice”? Why is guilt placed on women for being childfree? Especially by friends who are parents, complaining about how hard things are based on the choice they’ve made.

Part of it is not wanting to bring a child into the impending doom of our future; the environmental responsibility aspect.

Other things too. If I don’t actively want to be a parent, why should I become one?

I can be spontaneous, but not only that, I can put my energy into other things. I struggle with the belief that being childfree is seen as less than, or that I might still change my mind, or that I might regret it. I struggle with being continually questioned for not having a child, especially as a woman, because it’s “my responsibility”. Surely my responsibility is to do what’s right for me.