I always knew I did not want to have any children, but it is now that I turned 30 that I feel more confident voicing my opinion.
As a kid I was afraid of playing with baby dolls. One day I got one as a gift and I hid it in the closet because I was scared, yet I somehow thought it would not be acceptable to openly say it… As a teenager I started feeling sorry for pregnant women, deep inside I still do, but I am working on acknowledging that some are happy choosing that path. To date, I do not have the instinct to hold a baby (only puppies, those I love!).
I grew up in a traditional Mexican town. My mother is a university graduate but after I was born suffered from depression and never went back to work. One aunt was a doctor and also suffered from postpartum depression, another aunt died during childbirth… I grew up hearing all the women in my family complain about their unhappiness, yet they sanctified motherhood and said their children were their greatest accomplishment. They became devoted martyrs giving up their own lives to care for them.
From a young age, I decided to break the cycle. I am the only one to travel, study, work, and live abroad, I have volunteered in social projects, and I speak 5 languages.
I am by definition the ‘black sheep of the family’, and as such, I constantly get relatives’ remarks on how selfish I am and how I will end up alone. Comments that hurt because by cultural standards a woman who chooses herself is seen as cold-hearted.