Since I was a ‘tween’, I deep down imagined my future life as a childfree woman.
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at the age of 15. This is one of the reasons that strengthens my idea of not having kids! First, I know it’s sometimes genetic, and I would never be happy with the idea of “passing” any mental illness to my child.
And second, it’s for my well-being. I am not sure I’d be a good mom if I’m still emotionally immature and I honestly would lose my mind.
I’m 23 now and still never had a desire or call to be a mother. The social pressure is pretty heavy. It’s what gives me more unease.
I used to work in a restaurant in Apulia where my boss’ wife and some colleagues would keep telling me, during some casual conversations, ‘You better have a baby before you regret it.’ Or ‘One day you’re gonna change your mind!’ I still feel very uncomfortable every single time people say things like this, sounding like they are almost forcing me to get pregnant as soon as possible, or when I get called ‘selfish’ and ‘spoiled’.
The reasons I don’t ever want to have kids are infinite. And even if I imagine a ‘different’ me, living my best life but with children, there’s something that just doesn’t feel right.
I want to spend my time working on myself. I have career plans, travel dreams, hobbies that I want to cultivate. Saving money to fulfil my life with a nice, calm house, morning walks, wants and needs that I don’t want to give up on, since it’s already difficult nowadays.
Keeping my life simple and seeing people I love who make me feel happy – it’s enough for me! I couldn’t ask for anything better.