“We both decided that our desire for a child was not coming from within. It felt projected by society.”


My desire to not have children has fluctuated over the years.

From my teenage years on I sensed friends and classmates’ conviction to have children. It was simply part of their future plans. I was not so sure. But in order not to feel different I said I wanted children too.

In my early twenties I was in a steady relationship with someone that did not want children. At that time I felt peaceful because it felt right for me as well. But when that relationship ended I doubted my choice to stay childfree.

I remained single for almost ten years. I always felt a strong desire for a life partner and saw friends of mine marrying and getting children. And at that time I thought having children is part of human nature and therefore a ‘normal’ thing to do. Part of being a grown up. And I wanted to keep up with my friends. So while I had not found a suitable life partner I considered having children by myself. So I could at least ‘tick’ that off my list. Especially since I was nearing my forties.

Then I was inspired by Sara Eckel’s story (book title: “It’s Not You). We were the same age and she also went trough the same process. She considered having children by herself while being single. She concluded in the end that she did not want children by herself. She would rather wait for a life partner than raise a child by herself. And something clicked within me because I could relate so much.

Fast forward, I have been with my current life partner for a while already and we both decided that our desire for a child was not coming from within. It felt projected by society. So we decided to not have children.

This brought so much rest and relief. We feel very fulfilled in our life together. We feel a deep level of completeness in our relationship. The only thing missing in our social circles are more childfree couples like us.

Other than that life is so wonderful together. We give each other undivided attention. We can sleep in, have lots of time for physical intimacy. We created our own traditions for the holidays. We have spontaneous holidays, city trips, museum visits etc. We have time to explore our interests and hobbies.

Life is so open! We consider moving. We might start a business together or a foundation. We can make conscious career choices. And since we are both introverts we enjoy also a lot of homey down time. Reading, binging series, trying new wines, making complicated recipes etc. We would love to travel more and explore cultural cities in Europe.