Hello, I am thrilled to find you here and want to dive in with you and this group of super rad womxn. I wish I lived closer so we could kick off our shoes and have some tea on the couch, and bask in our courage at going after Full on Freedom.
I am quite certain in my choice not to have children. It was not an easy decision – I grieved the mother I would have been, and the child I would have birthed, for quite some time. It turns out that I am quite brilliant with kids, and adore their genius. And still, I am not here to birth another human, this I know.
I grew up in an Indian household. My parents moved to the U.S.A from West Bengal, India in the 1970s and I lived as a strange hybrid of two cultures juxtaposed. Accepting both and never quite belonging in either. I was very much primed to be the “good girl,” pretty and pleasing, quiet and accommodating (puke). Somehow I didn’t fight the messages and conditionings though they came down pretty hard. I didn’t really question them (out loud), but I never quite felt right about them either. It seems my strategy was to please and placate just enough so “they” would stay out of my way, and then I just went ahead and did what I wanted, and didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do. I didn’t marry. I didn’t buy the neurotic programming about the biological clock and despite many uterine health issues and pressures to tend to my fertility – I said No. At that time, I trusted the child to come when they were ready and that my body wisdom would step up when it needed to.
I did, however, deepen my spiritual discipline. In true communion with my womb, free from the conditioned noise in the mind, I remembered my deepest Self. I remembered that in this lifetime, my creative genius is not to be expressed as a child. That was a story that was fed to me, to us, and it’s not my story. The womb is a portal for many things, it is ancient and timeless, SHE is multidimensional and infinite. I am here to discover more of Her Great Mystery. Motherhood is one initiation, a beautiful one indeed, but it is not the only one for us – as the patriarchy would have us believe. My deepest yearning is for freedom. I hope to help other womxn embody their own sense of freedom whatever form that may take.