I am 43 and childfree by choice and married for 15 years.
I’ve never been pregnant or terminated a pregnancy but I would have if I would have gotten pregnant. I had some serious health issues that would have made being pregnant dangerous for the baby and myself but I never wanted kids enough to do much to fix it to carry a child successfully to term.
My interests were purely to get better for other dreams. Owning it as a decision that has always been my truth is recent, helped so much by your podcast and the childfree advocacy movement.
I was adopted and had an extremely poor placement, there was serious abuse and neglect. So, I went on this very deep journey of self-discovery around having children because I didn’t want something that happened in my past to keep me from something I actually wanted. And, what I saw really clearly was I never wanted children.
I was super clear at a young age about what I loved, wanted to do and what my dreams were and I was incredibly stubborn about it. Even amidst staggering trauma, I always still did exactly what I loved and had big dreams and went after them.
I never thought about having kids and realised I would be childfree even if I had a great childhood. I have no maternal instincts at all – and my adoptive mother was really open with me that she never wanted to be a mother and felt forced into it as “what people do”. And, I was adopted and told my biological mother left her two children and then put me up for adoption after getting “knocked up”. I got such a front row seat that motherhood isn’t a decision to be taken lightly and if there is any doubt the results aren’t something I could live with doing to a kid.
I’m grateful to both those mothers because they really showed me a woman can not want to be a mother and I think about how much better their lives would have been if they could have just been supported in being honest about it. A LOT can go horribly wrong if there’s real doubt – that doubt is wise and intuitive.
I am a relationship and dating coach and a film journalist. I actually love feeling ageless the most – some days I feel like a teenage girl and some days like a wise old crone. I love the happiness and joy that comes from living in my truth. I LOVE planning my future knowing that I’m building wealth for my dreams and for all the things I want to do.