“I realized I didn’t actually want children and was just following the status quo.”

Amber, 33, USA

When I was a little girl I had my life planned out. I would graduate high school, go to college, and shortly after get married and have twins. I used to play pretend and enact my future through the use of my toys.

Looking back, I wonder why so much of my childhood was spent practicing for a family. It wasn’t until I took an ecology class my sophomore year of college that I realized I didn’t actually want children and was just following the status quo. There was a lot of discussion with my partner who like me, didn’t realize that he only wanted children because “that’s just what you do”. We both decided together that we wouldn’t have kids.

At 22 I visited my gynecologist and asked if I could have a tubal ligation procedure because I was 110% certain that I did not want biological children. I wanted to take my future into my own hands and not leave any room for chance. I told my doctor that if I happened to change my mind down the road that I would adopt.

My doctor refused, saying I was too young, I’d change my mind, adoption is expensive, you don’t know what kind of kid you’ll end up with (her sister had a bad experience with adoption) and what if my partner wants kids after all? I had responses to each of these questions.

I know myself and can say with absolutely certainty that I will never want bio kids. Adoption is expensive, but if it’s what I want to do, I’ll find a way to make it work. Plus you never know what you’ll get with a bio kid either. Nothing is guaranteed. As to the partner remark, if my partner truly loves me, he’d accept that I do not wish to create new life and if he didn’t, I certainly wouldn’t bring a child into world just to appease him.

Fast forward 10 years and 3 doctors later and I finally got a laparoscopic salpingectomy. It’s still a little unbelievable to me that what I’ve wanted for so long has actually happened. I feel in control of my future and am thankful to my current doctor for trusting that I know what I want.