“Now I can love my body fully.”

Julia, 31, Poland

I knew I don’t want to be a mom since I was a child. Now I’m in my thirties and I still feel the same way. I thought about it numerous times. I talked about it with my husband, who is also childfree. Over 11 years of our relationship, we discussed it again and again. We have so many reasons: economic, health, moral, environmental etc. but the main reason is that we simply don’t want to be parents.

Two weeks ago I finally had a tubal ligation. I thought that before the surgery I’d have some second thoughts but I only felt calm and confident about my decision. And now, after the surgery, I feel so happy, so relieved and just so free.

I also feel, now I can love my body fully. All of my life I had this feeling of ‘impending doom’ in the back of my head because I simply couldn’t accept the biological possibility of my body getting pregnant. For me, it would be a disastrous event.

And living in Poland, with the far-right government taking away our rights, only fuelled my fear. Knowing that I would have to look for help abroad if I get pregnant, that here, in my country, my health and what I want won’t matter.

I tried different kinds of contraception through the years and I had to deal with so many side effects, but I accepted it as a necessary evil. I’ve always wanted to have a tubal ligation. However in Poland sterilisation is illegal, but only for women.

It took a lot of planning and determination but I managed to do it, in another country of course.

I feel free.