“You are not evil. You are not selfish.”


I have known ever since I was 13 that I did not want children, I am now 23.

What really solidified my decision was about a year ago when I became pregnant. This was my worst nightmare come true.

I was in a relationship for a year at the time and I did not realize in the moment how manipulative my partner was. I constantly begged him to wear a condom so that I would not have to be on birth control because I had complications from it in the past. He would tell me that ‘there is no need, you’re over reacting and you have PCOS. You can’t get pregnant anyways and I won’t be with someone who makes me wear a condom’.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was devastated. I told him I did not want to have any children ever and now I have to make a painful decision. He then decided to rip my clothes and destroy the majority of my things and told me that I was evil and selfish. He made my life complete misery until I miscarried about 2 weeks later.

I questioned myself for a long time after that, ‘am I really evil?’ He manipulated me in so many different ways besides this situation through out the relationship. But going through that situation forced me to truly think about motherhood and I realized it is not for me. The one regret I have is not listening to myself knowing I never wanted children since a young age. I know I should have left this toxic relationship right away but it was difficult for me.

The reason I decided to write my story is to show other women who don’t want children, that you are not alone. You are not evil. You are not selfish. And never let another person dictate your life decisions. YOU are your biggest advocate.